EP 38: Developing Safe Spaces for Expression and Gender with Jason Lee Garrett

Written By Douglas Sarine

Jason has one of the sweetest hearts of anyone I know. His level of emotional openness and awareness is beautiful to behold.

Relationship boundaries, codependency traps, creating space to play with gender. Discover ways parents can show up for their kids and support a safe place for exploration.

Jason Lee Garrett is a therapist and clinical social worker that works primarily with queer and trans individuals, couples, and families. He is passionate about his work and loves being a part of kids’ lives who are exploring gender and navigating their relationships with their parents. 

When it comes to forming safe spaces, Jason notes that our culture obsesses intellectually “comprehension” where someone is coming from rather than listening “compassionately”. He has emphasized the importance of creating a space for children to play and explore gender.

“We have such an issue with prioritizing comprehension over compassion.”

Through his educational training, Jason learned the importance of being honest with your emotions, and being open when you have made a mistake. There can be a fear of messing up which can lead people not to try at all but being able to show a kid early on, and throughout their lives, that you can healthily repair relational ruptures leads to stronger relationships and a more complete personal sense of security. The concept of rupture and repair that is essential to any relationship because all relationships require relating, including the moments of conflict and learning how to come back together is a grounding and stabilizing experience.

“It’s not really the rupture that is the problem, it’s if we don’t repair it. And conversely, if we don’t have any ruptures, I don’t think we’re doing good work together.”

There are ways to repair what’s not irreparable, one of the first steps being identifying boundries. Jason encourages people to establish their own limits and acknowledge the limits of others while also noting that we are human and we all make mistakes. What could be irreparable to one person might not be for another.

Jason speaks to his own childhood, coming out to his mother, and a moment he shared with her that helped her better understand who he is. He highlights the difficulties of growing up in a heteronormative world and how that can impact one’s view of their own value and self-worth. He praises his clients for their resiliency and their courage to reach out for support.

Through his work, Jason pushes for parents to respect their child’s pronouns and who they are. He talks about how sometimes parents want to “protect” their children from the rest of the world but by doing so they are not fully embracing who their child is. He underlines that parents are the first line of defense for children and it’s important that they are loved and accepted.

He also touches on the topic of unhealthy codependency, specifically in situations where people don’t say what they are thinking as a way to avoid negative or uncertain responses. To combat this, he recommends practicing active listening and expressing each person’s feelings through open and honest conversations.

“You can’t respect someone else’s boundaries and needs if yours are so depleted. If you’re feeling so empty inside, to the point where you’re actually really causing harm, listen to your needs and meet them.”
Douglas Sarine
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