EP 51: Genetic And Generational Questions, Deciding On Parenthood With Danice Cabanela

Reparenting, intergenerational relationships, choosing happiness. Hear the intimate conversation on Danice’s decision surrounding motherhood.

Danice has such a warm heart and speaks openly about the generational and genetic factors that she has weighed when contemplating motherhood. Before the pandemic, Danice and her husband had decided that they were not going to try to become parents, but over the past two years, the importance of family has been emphasized for them and they have decided to pursue expanding their family, either biologically or through adoption.

Danice unpacks some of her fears and anxieties around becoming a parent including her genetics and her familial history of mental health. Though topics of mental health are more open in her family now, that wasn’t always the case. She is candid about the way her relationship has evolved with her family and the process of breaking out of roles and patterns that were no longer serving her. Creating healthier dynamics has opened her up to feeling a greater sense of empathy and has helped her with patience, forgiveness, and understanding. Communication has been key in evolving her relationship with her parents, being able to speak to her needs and own them has been a big step. In thinking about her relationship with her future children, Danice hopes to create an environment of support and openness.

Danice speaks beautifully about the practice of happiness. She notes that she doesn’t just wake up happy every morning, she works at it. She gives some excellent tips that have helped her, like committing time daily for stream of consciousness journaling. This has helped her create more clarity around what she does and doesn’t want. As a artist, and yoga teacher she knows the importance of grounding herself and she outlines a 5 senses exercise that’s helped her:

“5 things you can see: Your hands, the sky, a plant on your colleague’s desk

4 things you can physically feel: Your feet on the ground, a ball, your friend’s hand

3 things you can hear: The wind blowing, children’s laughter, your breath

2 things you can smell: Fresh-cut grass, coffee, soap

1 thing you can taste: A mint, gum, the fresh air”

Danice explores communication techniques she has found useful like like speaking and listening from a place of empathy, and underlines that people will be less likely to hear us if we’re defensive or arguing. The way we word things needs to come from a place of understanding, and in the heat of the moment we can get caught up in our emotions. It’s helpful to remember to try to come from a place of trying to understand and just not make assumptions. 

As an advocate, she feels a deep passion for caring for others and is committed to doing the work to make the world a better place. Advocacy is ingrained in her life, and she is committed to continual learning and contribution. Advocacy and artistry meet in the two groups she co-founded, Asian Pacific American Artists for Change and Fliipinx Actors Barkada. She believes talking with your kids about social politics and the experience of others is a great way to grow empathy in the next generation.